Cricketing wisdom for, well, mainly relationships and road trips: a dedication to my late father (1962- 2024)
(Wikimedia Commons: Johnson bouncer to Swann, 2013)
Note: this piece contains some strong language and content about racial violence.
Winter 2025/26. Here we go again: the inhumane early rises, the coffee infused waking comas, the staccato hopes and dreams, the tears and the sheer relentlessness of it all – my partner is expecting our second child at the turn of the year. Oh, and the Ashes are also taking place down under!
Metaphors we live by
Metaphors inform our way of seeing the world. For example, complete this sentence: ‘Life is a …’. Did you, like me, say ‘game’? Test? Adventure? Gift? As Lakoff & Johnson (1980) argued in Metaphors we live by: ‘Our ordinary conceptual system, in terms of which we both think and act, is fundamentally metaphorical in nature’ (p. 4). It is crucial, then, to explore those metaphors that guide our lives. There’s another metaphor. Get the picture? That’s another. This is going to be messy. Another! Arrrggghhh! No wonder (The Artist Formerly Known As) Prince replaced his name with a symbol!
‘I love the smell of fags, beer and urine in the morning’
From plastic bats and balls in the garden as a toddler, seeing dad in his whites, adorned with an oversized jumper knitted by mum, the smell of stale sweat radiating from the kit (along with unfeasibly long pubic hairs spread throughout the kit bag!), to the sweet smelling concoction of fags-pints-and urine emanating from the troughs at the grounds, all accompanied by the soundtrack of Test Match Special (TMS) on BBC radio, cricket has been there throughout my life.
Aged 3 at dad’s sports day (1988)
‘Line and length, son’
Having settled with his family in London in the early 1970s, dad would often remind me how good I had it in comparison to him: ‘Son, we used to get beaten by the National Front – “Paki bashing” was a national sport. We used to get beaten by the Caribbeans, who’d been here longer than us. Hell, we even used to get beaten by the other Asian kids who spoke better English than us!’ So, when India won the 1983 World Cup, defeating the mighty West Indies in the final at Lords, it was a moment of immense pride and affirmation of belonging for dad and his peers.
Cricket was my dad’s conceptual system for navigating his game of life. He wouldn’t have put it like that, mind! Some cricketing metaphors are part of everyday parlance; for example, ‘they had a good innings’. But dad was as unremitting as a barrage of West Indian fast bowlers in relating all manner of trivial, and some rather serious, events to a cricketing metaphor. Recently reminiscing, I tentatively shared some of his cricketing metaphors with colleagues. I was bowled over at how well they landed!
Inspired in part by Lakoff & Johnson, but also Halpern’s hilarious Shit my dad says (2011), below is an over of my dad’s best. Admittedly, these deliveries, as well as the article as a whole, do necessitate some knowledge of cricketing vernacular. I hope these hit the middle of the bat for you!
Ball 1: When dumped by my girlfriend, aged 17 — ‘You’ve got to take a few on the body in this game, son!’
Ball 2: Whilst incessantly monitoring the Miles Per Gallon (MPG) average economy measure on a road trip from London to Scotland — ‘Late 50s is the hallmark of a great batter, son — we can’t let this average slip goddamit!’
Ball 3: On not knowing if my partner would continue in our relationship during a rough patch, aged 24 — ‘That one’s in the corridor of uncertainty, son’.
Ball 4: When starting my Masters in Philosophy and finding the initial classes very much over my head — ‘You gotta give the first hour of the day to the bowlers, son’.
Ball 5: Upon opening the curtains to witness unforgiving grey and wet weather conditions on a day we were going to hike up Mount Snowdon — ‘There’ll be a bit of swing about early on, son — we’ll have to respect the bowling!’
Ball 6: When my wife decided to end our marriage, aged 30 — ‘That’s a rough decision, son, but I’m afraid you’ve got to accept the umpire’s call’.
So, there it is, an over of challenging deliveries! Dad didn’t do no balls or wides. Strictly line and length, which keep the batter honest at all times! Thank you dad, and go well in the pavilion in the sky.
References
Halpern, J. (2011). Shit my dad says. New York: Harper Collins.
Lakoff, G. & Johnson, M. (1980). Metaphors we live by. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
